Spiritual Gifts FAQs #12

Q: "Why can all my friends easily see my top gift (exhortation) but my husband can't?  Is that normal?"

A: Family seeing something different than friends and others outside of our homes can be a common occurrence. That may be because we are often expected to do many things in and for our families for which we are not gifted nor perhaps even talented, leaving us depleted in ways that negatively impact use of our gifts. It may also be because, in our role as spouse (or parent), we feel responsible for instruction, correction, and training in ways that we don’t with friends and outsiders—so our family experiences us uniquely, and perhaps as less of an exhorter.

It may also be that someone else in your family has the same gift (both of you with Exhortation?)—which can mean amazing things when working together in synchronicity, or it can mean that one of us abdicates use of our gift in thinking (incorrectly) that the other’s version of the gift is somehow “better”—making it look like we don’t have that gift—when, actually, it’s gone underground from lack of use.

That said, is it possible that, in your relationship with your husband, you actually aren’t using your gift of Exhortation? Perhaps you feel like he gets enough accolades out in the world. Or, have you  overlooked opportunities to allow God to use your gift of exhortation in your family life? Are there stressors that, especially during this very odd pandemic time, are highlighting your differences and causing your focus to be on areas of disagreement instead of areas of affirmation?

One final thought: could it be that God has given you this gift of Exhortation to be used primarily outside your home? Ask the Lord about all this. Ask Him to show you why some can see this gift and others can’t…and let Him help you figure out what to do about it, if anything.

(For more on gifts, check out the Resources page at GodGiftsYou.com. Take the free assessment and see what gifts God has bestowed on you to contribute to the whole.)

Shirley Giles Davis, author of the God. Gifts. You. Your Unique Calling and Design workbook, Your Unique Design Class Guide, Your Unique Design Facilitator Guide, and Gifts-Calling-Purpose blog, is a consultant, coach, facilitator who has worked with faith-based organizations, nonprofit agencies, and leaders in a diversity of fields for over 30 years. She has also been Equipping Ministries Director at her church since 1999.